For This Little Girl, Being Strong Was the Only Choice She Had

At just 9 years old, she suddenly lost her health, mobility, and hair, but she refused to lose her smile.

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When Alexia Graham, known as Lexi, was diagnosed with a rare type of brain cancer just a few weeks after her ninth birthday, the first thing she asked was, “Am I going to die?”

“That’s what happens to people when they have cancer,” Lexi said to her mother, Alana. “They die.”

The fear of her diagnosis came from a place of uncertainty. Even Alana admitted she didn’t quite understand what the diagnosis meant, and it took a while for her to process.

“She was scared,” Alana told me.

Their journey began in early 2023 in South London, UK, where Lexi, her parents, and her two younger siblings live. 

As I spoke with them over Zoom, just as casually as Lexi talked about her hobbies, she told me about the central line doctors placed in her body during surgery. It ran through her jugular vein, providing access to her heart, where they could give her treatment and withdraw blood.

The line not only left her with a scar, but she became very weak, losing her strength and mobility. 

Lexi went from being a very active, sporty child to not being able to move her arms or brush her teeth. She had to relearn how to walk and was in a wheelchair for some time.

She frequently picked up infections between cycles of chemotherapy, where she’d be hooked up for a full week to an IV. 

After each cycle, Lexi would ordinarily have two weeks of rest, but it was almost always interrupted by a sudden infection and another hospital stay, which meant Lexi had no time to go home. During long hospital stays, she would look forward to weekly therapy dog visits.

Her type of cancer is rare. Under most circumstances, cancer cells multiply by duplicating, producing the same cell, meaning a single cancerous cell can produce a tumor consisting of billions of its carbon copies. In Lexi’s case, her cancer was multiplying but producing a different cell each time. This meant that no singular treatment would be effective. 

During the call, I learned about Beads of Courage, an international nonprofit organization that caters to children with serious illnesses in countries like the UK, the U.S., Australia, and Japan. Their programs provide beads to children, each representing a difficult part of their treatment journey. Different colored beads represent different treatments.

“Lexi has been collecting all her beads,” Alana said, informing me that black beads represent blood draws, yellow beads represent hospital stays, and white beads with hearts represent intensive care stays. There are many other beads, too; whites, greens, blues, reds, browns, and star-shaped.

Lexi’s beads loop around nearly 5 times as long as she is tall. She enthusiastically laid them out on the floor for me to see.

“This is probably the longest yellow.” she said pointing to one portion, which her mom confirmed was a three-month hospital stay. 

Lexi’s cancer treatment also caused her to lose her hair, which used to fall to her waist. She dreaded returning to school, fearing that kids would make fun of her, and she didn’t like to take off her knitted hat. Given all the days she had to miss school, she experienced a bit of a learning gap, but through it all, her friends have been very supportive.

Her journey with cancer also took a mental toll on her entire family. 

“As a parent when you see your child going through something like that,” Alana said. “you suffer in the same way.”

The ordeal sent Alana and her husband into practical mode, and they wrestled with emotions while remaining strong for their children. 

Alana characterized the experience as “out of body,” a parent’s “worst nightmare,” and as constantly “thinking ahead,” on the next difficulty to prepare for whether it is the next surgery or chemotherapy.

Fortunately, Lexi’s treatment concluded at the end of November 2023, but her life will never be the same. There are still hospital visits and tests.

Despite everything, Alana feels thankful. Last year, they met other children going through similar situations, many of whom had worse treatments and cancers. Some of those children didn’t make it.

“We do believe that she was healed,” Alana said. “Anything to do with cancer where you got out the other end, I think is a miracle.”

Faith, prayer, and the support of family and friends have guided Lexi and her family through the entire ordeal. 

“God has been our anchor in this storm,” Alana said. Throughout Lexi’s time in the hospital, she even felt the presence of God around her, which gave her peace and reassurance.

Lexi said her biggest hero has been her mom, who she calls brave. She also wants other kids like her to know that despite our differences, “we’re all the same on the inside, and we’re all kind.”

Alana wants other parents going through this to know that they shouldn’t isolate themselves, and they shouldn’t be ashamed to accept help, whether it’s a home-cooked meal from a neighbor or emotional support from a friend.

Lexi, now 10, often spends her weekends at the local Girls Club playing soccer with friends or making art at home. She looks forward to her last year of primary (elementary) school, and her hair has grown back in beautiful brown curls. Throughout the entire ordeal, she has never stopped smiling. 

Her beads of courage now hang in their living room on a wooden sign engraved with the Bob Marley quote, “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”

To follow Lexi’s story, check out her Instagram page.

The following is a list of resources Alana found helpful during their journey:

• “Anna loses her hair,” - A children’s guide to hair loss as a result of cancer treatment

• “My brother or sister has cancer,” - A children’s guide to coping with cancer

• “When your brother or sister has cancer,” - An information guide for teenagers and young adults whose sibling is diagnosed with cancer

• “Supporting brothers and sisters” - A practical information guide for parents and other adults who are caring for siblings of a child with cancer

• “Olly the Brave for Brothers and Sisters; Ben’s Big Stuff,” - Diane Maybey

• “Olly the Brave and the Wigglys” - Diane Maybey

• “Olly being Brave and Chemotherapy” - Diane Maybey